Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
