Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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