rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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