Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
