the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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