he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
