There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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