The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
