For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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