Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I want her autograph on my taint
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
