i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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