Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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