I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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