My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
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