K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
