I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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