I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i now understand why vodka
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
