i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
