Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
