Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
