You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
