he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
