In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
