and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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