Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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