I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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