Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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