so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
