I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
