Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
