There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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