We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
