tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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