dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
