Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
