also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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