i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You did what with his pubic hair?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
