i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
