How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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