Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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