fuck your aforementioned shoe
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
