My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
