Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
