She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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