White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
