I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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