My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
