I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize