So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
