Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
