I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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