HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
