I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
