Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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