I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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