so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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