Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.

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(847): View more from Illinois

At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.

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(206): View more from Washington

And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music

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(408): View more from California

Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?

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(323): View more from California

Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets

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(406): View more from Montana

Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation

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(646): View more from New York

She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom

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(713): View more from Texas

Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!

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(317): View more from Indiana

Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?

(1-317): View more from Indiana

No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.

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