Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
