Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
