ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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