Who did Billy Mays play for?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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