We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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