i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
