There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
