Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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