so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
