woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
