If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
