you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
