You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
