Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
