it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize