happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just pee around me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
