her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
