I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
