who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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